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The Charisma Myth: How to Engage, Influence and Motivate People

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From a base of thorough behavioral science, Olivia extracts the most practical tools for business; giving her clients techniques she originally developed for Harvard and MIT. Her course at Berkeley's Business School was so popular that university staff had to guard the entrance to ensure that only admitted students gained entrance. Dedramatization means reinterpreting the bad things happening. In other words: what’s happening is not serious and everybody else has experienced it at least once.

Ask yourself a few times, “What if this experience is, in fact, a good thing for me?” and watch how creative your mind can get with its answers. The single most effective technique I've found to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty is the responsibility transfer. You see, shame is the real killer. Of all the emotions that human beings can feel, it is one of the most toxic to health and happiness. Shame researcher Brené Brown defines it as “the fear of being unlovable: Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Still in the early part of the book, she says "The equation that produces charisma is actually fairly simple. All you have to do is give the impression that you possess both high power and high warmth, since charismatic behaviours project a combination of these two qualities…A final dimension underlies both of these qualities: presence." (Loc 134)This book helped me a lot with the skills of public speaking. It’s due to the practicality of it. To be honest, there are not many books that would be so loaded with different exercises and strategies. As we know, charisma is something we see, however, being charismatic starts from within. It starts with the way we perceive ourselves. Our internal state is presented externally, so we cannot be charismatic if there is something wrong going on within our body and mind.

As an introvert who’s held leadership positions, I’ve always yearned to have more charisma, but never formally studied it. After dining with Mr. Gladstone,” she wrote, “I thought he was the cleverest person in England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli,” she added, “I thought I was the cleverest person in England.” Key Lessons from “The Charisma Myth PDF” Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have but on how fully present you are in each interaction.” A few interesting things come up in the discussion about handling obstacles. "Skillfully handling any difficult experience is a three-step process: destigmatise discomfort, neutralise negativity and rewrite reality." (Loc 735). The point is made that often we beat ourselves up for feeling bad about something, which of course makes everything worse. Destigmatising is simply remembering that whatever you're feeling is a normal part of being human. I also really like a quote about rewriting reality - "One charismatic entrepreneur told me: "I decide to interpret everything favourably toward myself. It's not just that I'm optimistic, I'm actually conveniently deluded. Why does this work? Once again, we can thank the brains' tendency to accept imagination as reality." I love the idea of "convenient delusion". I at least get so wrapped up in trying to think things through correctly, be right, predict correctly…but it does me no good in many cases because you can't know lots of things…bring on the convenient delusions, I say. An expert in the fields of charisma and leadership, Olivia Fox Cabane has lectured at Stanford, Yale, Harvard, MIT and the United Nations. As a frequent keynote speaker and executive coach to the leadership of Fortune 500 companies, she helps people increase their ability to influence, persuade, and inspire others.Charismatic internal skills, which help you manage your internal state, form the necessary foundation upon which to build your charismatic external skills.” Afterward, she wrote that both of them projected power and presence. But only one of them projected warmth. Fantastic book. Cabane is clearly an expert in this field and the techniques described are immediately employable. Not only that but (and here's why the book is really exciting) the speed at which you will notice how people begin responding to you differently is almost instantaneous, or at least I found it to be after finishing the book. Bonus points to Cabane for explaining that one must actually go through all of the exercises to ultimately reap the benefit. The layout of the book is also expertly crafted with a handy reference guide at the end. Plus her writing style makes it mostly a pleasure to read. I feel like this book is a modern day 'How to Win Friends and Influence people', or more accurately is like Dale Carnegie's teachings on steroids.

Increasing voice fluctuation means making your voice vary in any of the following ways: Pitch (high or low), tempo, volume, tone (resonant or hollow), or rhythm (staccato or fluid) Visionary - Make them feel inspired. Project complete conviction and confidence in a cause. Sell on the vision, not yourself. Use when you need to inspire people. a) focus charisma - the ability to keenly listen, understand, and empathize with people so that they feel deeply understood Warmth is about perceived goodwill, or whether others think you’ll use your power in their interest. It’s derived purely from your body language. Despite the title, the book didn't dispel the myth that charisma can be learned. If you've read articles or books on public speaking, you'll find many of the same recommendations in this book -- be authentic, really listen to people, be willing to be vulnerable and reveal something personal about yourself, practice and visualize your presentations, and mirror the person whom you want to build a rapport. There were a few suggestions that were new for me: divide and conquer (convince your detractors separately, not when they're all together in a big, important meeting), dress well and comfortable (look good but not go overboard that you're uncomfortable and give off a negative body language), and reframe stressful situations into positive ones (such as instead of thinking about how you might mess up a presentation, think about how you got this assignment because your boss has such confidence in your abilities).

One of the main reasons we’re so affected by our negative thoughts is that we think our mind has an accurate grasp on reality, and that its conclusions are generally valid. This, however, is a fallacy. Our mind’s view of reality can be, and often is, completely distorted.” Being present—paying attention to what’s going on rather than being caught up in your thoughts—can yield immense rewards. When you exhibit presence, those around you feel listened to, respected, and valued.” Focus charisma (someone who listens intently and makes people feel respected and heard, such as Oprah) Reader, pass by! How is this book different from so many other self-help books which promote good deportment? Answer: Not very. For an author who brags throughout the book about her lofty credentials and celebrated clientele, this is pretty thin stuff — and rather stingy with its insights, too. Remember that right now, in this very moment, many others are going through this very same experience.

The 21-year-old man getting ready to start his career, the 38-year-old woman who wants to lead a team, and anyone who wants to be more charismatic. Personally, the author avoids Q&A, announcing that any questions have to be asked in the middle of the speech. This also serves to keep the audience more engaged and energetic. When you meet a charismatic person, you get the impression that they have a lot of power and they like you a lot. The Charisma Myth does not explain the myth of charisma; instead it says that charisma is not innate, but can be taught. It is at least half-right about that. One of the more interesting points Cabane makes is that the people around you tend to try to match nonverbal cues with verbal cues, with nonverbal cues taking precedent over verbal ones if they don't match. If your nonverbal cues, which are rapidly and subconsciously absorbed, are followed with consistent verbal cues, the latter amplifies the former. Thus using visualisations can help us to believe our own words, which will help with making our nonverbal actions more closely align with anything we then proceed to say.Well, nobody wants to feel left out. And because so many people do – and so many others fail to take this into consideration – you can seduce someone simply by being there for him or her.

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